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Bubbas Guide To The Indy 500
By:
Published: August 22, 2006
The Indy 500 is an American tradition as old as sliced bread or cheese quesadillas. This year's Indy 500 is the 90th anniversary of the event, so to celebrate I thought I would tell y'all a little bit bout how I get the most of this country's greatest event.
"... when I was a trucker, the only way I could hear the race was on my CB radio while I was haulin away five tons..."
If yous anything like me than yous gotta make sure that everything is just right before the pre-race traditions. Back in the days when I was a trucker, the only way I could hear the race was on my CB radio while I was haulin away five tons of fresh cattle hide from the great state of Texas. Whenever I was haulin throughout the hot south, I keep my dial on channel 19 an Id keep my window open cuz that way there ain't as much static. But if I'm haulin through the Midwest like Missoura or Illinoise than I keep it on Channel 7 cuz otherwise you'd hear nothin but hootin and hollerin from other truckers listenin in on the race. I try not to haul anything through the East coast durin the race, cuz you can't pick it up on any dang channel those fancy New Yorkers aint realize theys missin a fine American tradition.
But luckily, ever since I stopped truckin throughout this great country, I get to sit at home to watch the race on live action TV. First I figger out which of the TVs is workin well enough to pick up the race, then once I done that, I find me some foil and some coat hangers to make myself a handy TV antennae. Make sure you give yourself a couple of hours to get a good enough view of the race. I like to get a clear black and white picture. If you get set up in time, you'll see the ceremonial playing of Taps by Purdue's All American Marching Band followed right after by the United States Military fighter jets doin a fly by right over the old Brickyard. At this point, I'm usually standin with my hat over my heart salutin the TV. Right before the race begins, that funny fella that played Gomer Pyle comes on and sings Back Home Again in Indiana. That song nearly brings a tear to my eye.
"The right way to do it is just like the pro racers, you pace yourself..."
Then comes the moment we've all been waiting fer. All the Indy cars are lined up on the track revvin their engines getting ready when you hear those words... Gentleman! Start your engines! and off they go! Woooooohooooooooo! I get all riled up when I hear those Indy cars zoooooomin by. SSSSZZZZOOOOOOOMMM!!! HOOOWEEE that sure is fun!
During the race, theirs only one thing I like to do, and that's sit back and crack open a nice cold Coors. You might think that 500 laps is a long time to do nothin but drink Coors, but you might not have 500 Coors for every lap. The right way to do it is just like the pro racers, you pace yourself. You set yourself a limit in the beginin and stick to it. I try to keep it to about 25 laps per beer. That's a good race-winnin pace. Another thing I like to do is to pick my favorite racer and do what he does. If he takes a pit stop, then I take a pit stop, if he's in the lead, then I'm shotgunnin beers, and when that pace car comes out, I go get a sandwhich.
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